Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Understanding cheese graters with impressionable personalities

When Cookie called me into the surgery this morning I was surprised to see Vivian - the lace maker - painting a cheese grater with waterlilies. This is the thing one does, according to Vivian, to make a statement to one's dentist about one's personality.

This reminded me that in the district adjoining the one George stayed in last summer in Paris, there was a woman who painted waterlilies on teeth for a small fee. This amused George no end and he rolled up each morning for a new set of lily-painted teeth. Felix detests any sort of lily because they remind him of men conniving in darkened rooms to bring about Armageddon.

What Vivian was after, it seems, was some attention to a wisdom tooth that was causing trouble as it erupted. Cookie detests the word erupt because it reminds her of her adolescence. Instead we talk of teeth glimpsing the world in its multivariant ways and coming to an understanding with it in due course. It keeps her happy.

Margaret wasn't very happy this morning because Bessy, instead of going out to relieve herself, had in fact built a barbecue from the loose bricks at the bottom of the garden. Margaret has an aversion to barbecues because they remind her of a misunderstanding she had with herself when she was three days old.

And that is why I am growing so concerned about the allegedly humble cheesegrater making its appearance in the dental surgery. What if, having expressed one's personality to one's dentist via a painting on said object, one comes to a misunderstanding with that personality? I'm not sure I know how I would cope.


Indeterminacy said...

This is my lucky day having you link to me! Thanks for the honor. Dental work is so expensive in Germany. Could we work out an exchange? One story in exchange for one filling? But you are also fictional? Guess I'll just have to be happy with finding a new and interesting blog to read.

Stan Johns said...

Dear Indeterminacy,

Thank you for sending me this note. I appreciated the stimulation your site provided so much I had to link it to mine so that other readers might find some interest there.

I would very much love to offer fillings in exchange for stories but the latter will last much longer, thank heavens, than the ephemeral fillings I place.

All the best, auf wiedersehen and bis bald,