Tuesday, 3 July 2007

Diamonds filling spaces left by shaded elephants

There is in this world a preponderance towards producing the fictional, that seems at times to be at odds with the preponderance to wanting fact. I have a feeling Bessy shares my concerns, though I am certain that her belief in herself is fictional, much like mine.

Felix is most certainly a fact and his insights into worlds I didn't realise existed, a remarkable phenomenon. This morning Felix told me he had just seen an elephant making cocktail umbrellas on the moon. The moon was still bright at 5am so I squinted hard to see. Felix told me the elephant had moved into the shade for a snooze until Happy Hour.

Cookie was busy talking to Mr Sunningdale about his wonderful interest in dental technicians. It seems that he is in the habit of observing said beings in the belief that one of them, one day, will turn into an avocado. Much intrigued, I asked if he was aware of a precedent for this. Cookie looked at me with a scathing eye and said that only countries had precedents, thank God, or there would be all sorts of problems in the world.

I had a friend at school who used to make scathing attacks on the way farmers were allowing their livestock to sing Christmas carols in the middle of summer. He was certain this affected their sense of season and, thus, their dietary habits. The friend devised a programme of summery music that he would sing in person to the afflicted beasts on sunny days. I believe it worked.

This brings me quite neatly to George, who is currently sorting his lunchbox as he rehearses his ancient Amazonian folk melody. It seems there aren't any elephants or other livestock mentioned in the song, though cocktails are. George tells me the story, which involves snakes sipping sexy drinks on beaches they've never seen, is entirely factual. Being that I have never been to the Amazon, I am hardly in a position to challenge this.

It seems that people have beliefs in all sorts of phenomena. In which case, with as little evidence of us being fact as there is regarding the elephant, the avocado or the serpents, I can hardly see why Bessy and I shouldn't believe in ourselves too.

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