Thursday 27 September 2007

Drawing conclusions about duels fought between sand screens

For some reason Cookie was squeezed between the two panes of glass of the surgery's double-glazed window. I couldn't really make out what she was saying but it would appear she was attempting to come to a conclusion about the dualist nature of a hot and cold body. My first patient and I watched as the conclusion developed, but saw no change. So we drank some coffee and agreed to put off treatment for a week.

I mention this because Felix had introduced me to some very secretive information thought to be responsible in part for the sinking of the Mary Rose during the reign of Henry VIII. It was this: that a man (who happened to be Felix's future son if he'd ever have had one) had slid into a bottle of rum and floated across the English Channel until he came up against a Spanish ship, whereupon he concluded that no change would happen as a consequence of two countries duelling. Not in the grand scheme of things anyway. He floated back to the beach and was never seen or heard of again. Which is why it is a secret. Because nobody knows for sure that it was actually this that he thought.

And that brings me to George, who for some time as a young man pioneered a technique for turning sand into invisible screens for the unashamed stater of dubious facts. I wondered aloud if George kept one of these screens up around himself in perpetuity. George stated quite categorically that the technique was abandoned on account of the perceived future resource issues around sand and depleted beaches.

And that's where Margaret comes in: this morning she woke me by circling over the house calling out in the manner of a seagull. I know why she does this on days like today: because she's foreseen that all I wanted to do was play in the sand. To avoid me wasting my day as a child, I did it before I got out of bed, much to Bessy's annoyance.

Thus it seems there is no conclusion worth drawing from such events. Unless that is a conclusion in itself, which would be very puzzling.

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